Tornado (sorry man, this is a rather crazy & boring post. You can skip it.)

Hey blog, long time no see! Well I fell asleep for 2 hours and when I woke up I saw that Theresa dropped me a text! Hurray, so 1 hour after I saw the text I came here because she told me to :P

Well. Every blog post is a reflection! So, I'm going to tell you my story (vaguely. I don't want you knowing everything about me. That's right, I wanna be mysterious.8D).

Firstly I want to thank everyone/thing in my life. If you refer to my previous post, did I sound stressed? Yes I did. I felt like a bursting balloon. It was so bad that I felt like I could break down anytime, anywhere. In class, or whatever. I don't really know what others see when they look at me, and whether they actually see that struggle inside me. I guess I didn't really tell anyone because I didn't want others to know.

It turns out that over the course of my life in that 1 month after investiture, my balloon got bigger and it went over limit.

So I burst. (A few times because there was too much in my balloon.)

I shall not dwell into the details of the contents of my balloon, but I guess I've learned one thing which many people still haven't.

I learned to love myself.

Insecurity comes from not loving yourself and not accepting yourself as a whole. I think it's that ego inside us, trying to protect us from the outside world. My mom actually told me to thank my ego for protecting me, no matter how much pain it cost me.

1. What are "expectations"? Why would a person feel sad because of "expectations"?
It is what you think society wants you to be. (1m)
A person would feel sad because he thinks that he has not lived up to expectations, and he blames and says mean things to himself. (1m)

Um in Ruo-Ann's world that answer key is the perfect answer okay? You don't have to agree with me.

Now. Who is society?

Society is nobody in general. I feel that it is just a word created to illustrate the high expectations which people give themselves.

For example, if you know that you are smart, and someone goes up to you and tells you that you're stupid, would you believe them?

I think more than half the people on Earth wouldn't, but they force themselves to believe others instead of themselves. That's why they are so miserable. They don't tell themselves that they are beautiful anymore, when they know they are. What happens when you are rejected? Sad.

So why are you rejecting yourself.

You have a weakness? So does everyone. Accept it. Don't reject it. Come on, you are the first (and to many, the only) person who knows who your crush is. Or know what clothes you like. Whatever.

After I got invested as president, at first I was really happy and excited. But I got demoralised, I felt that I was a really incapable person. I just hated myself. I don't have half good grades, that's demoralizing enough, but it got worse when some things happen and they just stare right in your face, reminding you that you're not good enough.

I think I'm the first pres in the history of SN to ever say this, and to ever receive such bad grades.

So haha, don't gasp. You are also like that what. Just because I hold a position doesn't mean I can't feel this way, right?:) So I stopped caring what everyone else says about me some time ago. I deleted the twitter and instagram apps on my phone because I realised that I was too busy admiring others and being self-conscious because of what others say. Like seriously, just listen to yourself for once. Stop putting others before yourself if you can't even take care of yourself. It's just half-hearted. It's like asking a depressed person to counsel you. Just talk to yourself honestly and love yourself.

..... Sorry, I guess this is a really boring post because I didn't really go into details, it sounds more like 我在说教.. But if you know me personally and you really want to know then you can talk to me privately, haha.

So... in conclusion.
1) Society is nobody.
2) Be yourself. Listen to yourself first. Save yourself before even trying to help others.
3) Love yourself. (Say I love you to yourself. Try it. Must do it often.)
4) Don't hold it inside. If you have no one to talk to, talk to your mom. Seriously.

It's okay if you disagree. Really. Everyone is different. I still love you for coming here.

I talked to my mom and she counselled me, haha. Don't hold it inside. It'll just drive you crazy. Bye!

Watch Shugo Chara (and anime) if you're bored this holiday!

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Anyway, I feel like I can write a lot more but my mom wants me to sleep.

I'm glad to say that this time, my "I don't really care anymore" is quite genuine.